ImaginaryRain

The light is darkness in your eyes…

The words are falling on your lips,

Like raindrops falling from the skies

On cloudy days like this one is.

You write my name on a mirror glass,

But it fades away like our dream

You close your eyes, then take a breath,

And think of how it would’ve been…

You feel the thunder, the wave increasing

The guilt, the hate, the tears in vane

You’re just a ghost who is now chasing

The past, the memories, the pain…

I find you puzzled, so incomplete,

Can’t keep the word, it was a lie,

You will be always my enigma,

Until your memory will die…

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A simple question and yet so complicated. How many of us have ever put this problem? I came into this world in a beautiful, snowy, December morning but now I believe that was such a bad timing…and a wrong place too.

I feel like I do not belong here, to this century, to this year, to this place. Even though my body lives here, my spirit belongs to somewhere else. I usually find myself in Jane Austen’s books, today in “Prinde and Prejudice”, tomorrow in “Persuasion”. I truly like to believe that my soul is still dancing in a beautiful night of May with a handsome gentleman, which probably today turned into a sweet edelweiss…I like to believe that my soul takes piano lessons, carols green forests and cuddles blue flowers, that my soul loves poetry, wears dresses and receives love letters from a secret admirer…

Even though here I am not a countess, I know that somewhere far away, in a time known only by me, my spirit has its own dimension. Stuck in this world, I sometimes try to feed my soul with the magic of bygone times by reading Jane Austen’s books…and there I find myself, the one I will never be here. This way I try not to poison my soul who is still dancing to the music of Strauss…

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My bitter sadness is your deepest grief, your warm smile is my happiest laugh, my coldest tear is your frozen sorrow…our lives are woven in the golden thread of tomorrow, all lost in the scrap book of eternity…in this infinity we fall in hate and disappointment…in this infinity we fly on the wings of love and joy.

We dive under the wave of happiness, we stop under the shadow of tenderness, we swim in the eternal ocean of madness, and then withdraw on the shores of memories…to dream in the strong arms of reality…

We wake up and choke with the wires of destiny, we crawl in dreams and dust, we scratch with the bitter nail our past…absurd…inevitably…chaotic…we turn to what we were before our first light…

This is how it happens in each and every life…

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I wander through the places I once knew…now I see everything empty and dusty…the big gate is squeaking, the wind is blowing…I can hear voices and I can see ghosts…the old, yellow walls are whispering secrets I didn’t know back then. They got tired of keeping mysteries and memories…but even they never found out if you truly loved me…

A dried blood strain is on the floor…this is where you broke my heart…this is where I left a part of me die…I never miss it…never will…But, God, how much I loved you! I loved you without knowing how or when or where, I loved you pure and truly, without complexity or pride; I loved you because I didn’t know other way.

I will never know other way…and I will love you a whole day in every minute untill every year will be filled with prehistory.

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